There are a lot of things that couples decide together. Most of
it revolves around living arrangements and relationship issues.
Some things, however, should be decided on individually.
These are the decisions that affect you—or your body—more
than your partner.
Sometimes, we have to think more about ourselves than the
ones we love. I know it’s hard to swallow, but sometimes
prioritizing your needs can work out best for everyone
involved.
When should partners decide together?
Partners should run every decision by each other. You can
agree on something together, but you might disagree on some
things, as well.
Luckily for you, there’s a thing called compromise, and all
couples would do well to add that to their relationship
vocabulary.
As a couple, you need to make huge decisions about where
you will live, how much time you’re going to spend on work
and each other, and how much time you should spend on
yourselves.
Apart from that, there are also decisions that have to be made
about money, career choices, and your other relationships with
family, colleagues, and friends.
But that’s not to say that these decisions can be made
together, without any problems. Sometimes, you won’t see eye
to eye, and that’s where you have to draw the line in
determining who gets to decide.
Who holds the reins in the decision?
Some might say that the dominant entity in a relationship
makes all the decisions. But that’s hardly the case in this
modern day and age. You and your partner should decide on
most things together—especially on the issues that affect both
of you significantly.
When you and your partner disagree, one of you will win.
However, when someone doesn’t get their way, some friction
might develop between you two, which could stem from
resentment or anger.
That’s why you need to agree, or risk ruining your trust in
each other. But what happens when the decision can’t be
made together?
Decisions your partner can’t make for you
#1 Using birth control. This is one of the biggest issues that
couples face today. There is a lot of pressure placed on using
birth control. Studies show that or*l contraception is risky,
while statistics show that men *in relationships* are not
happy about using condoms. Using birth control is an
individual’s right. This is something that should not be
dictated by your partner. Whether you want to use it or not
isn’t the issue; the problem is when your partner takes away
those choices from you.
#2 Having kids. This is an even bigger issue, because having
a child is no easy or simple feat. It affects both of you, which
means that there can be no compromise on the matter. Some
people don’t want kids because they’re not ready yet, or they
can never resolve themselves to the idea. Some want kids so
badly, they’d do anything to conceive. Unfortunately, no
matter how much you want a child, your partner has to agree
with you.
#3 Which career you should choose. Some couples think that
it’s okay to influence their partner’s choice of career, but that
shouldn’t be the case. A person chooses a career for different
reasons, but whether it’s about money, passion, or
convenience, the person who’s going to work should always
be the one to decide. A partner’s role is to be there to guide
and support them.
#4 Whether or not to accept a promotion. Promotions can
mean a lot of things, like longer work hours, traveling out of
town, or even getting relocated permanently. It can drastically
affect your relationship dynamic, but only one person can
determine whether the sacrifice is worth it or not.
Relationships usually come out as the top priority, but looking
at the bigger picture can change that.
#5 Getting body modifications. Whether it’s a tattoo, plastic
surgery, or even a tiny piercing, the choice to make a
permanent change on your body is yours alone. Your partner
can give their input and make their case against it, but it’s
your decision, in the end. Remember: it’s your body.
#6 What to spend your money on. If you are married without a
prenup, you are legally sharing each other’s money. But you
still earned part of that share, and you have the right to spend
it on whatever you want. Even if you aren’t married, you and
your partner may have decided to share your expenses, which
means they have a say in what you spend together. Still, once
you’ve set aside your share, you can do whatever you want
with the money left. You can ask your partner for advice on
how to spend it, but it’s ultimately your decision.
#7 Who you should be friends with. If your friendships aren’t
affecting your relationship, there is no need for your partner to
choose your friends for you. The only time they’re allowed to
step in is when your friends are taking advantage of you or
hurting you. Apart from that, they cannot decide who you
should be friends with, based on social status or appearances.
If they simply don’t like your friends, you can always engage
with them separately.
#8 When to have $ex. If you and your partner agreed to have
a $exual relationship, it’s understandable that they would
want to do it regularly. Sometimes, however, you won’t want
to have $ex and your partner should accept that. Forcing,
manipulating, or guilting you into having $ex is tantamount to
r*pe.
It’s your body, and you have the right to decide how and
when to use it. If the frequency of $ex *whether it’s too often
or too infrequent* is raising alarm bells, you should discuss
this with your partner.
#9 When to get married. Although some people might claim
that getting married isn’t such a big deal, it still is for a lot of
people. You are legally binding yourself to one person for the
rest of your life *or until a judge allows you to separate*. It is
not a decision that should be taken lightly, which means that
you and your partner must decide on it separately, before you
can agree to it together.
#10 When to say “I love you.” It seems like an unimportant
issue, but it has a heavy connotation. Love should not be
taken lightly. It is a huge emotional investment, and you can’t
force your partner to say it, especially when they’re not sure
yet. Your partner obviously likes you, but it takes time for
some people to fall in love. When the feeling arrives, your
partner will say those three words. If that moment never
comes, you must be mature enough to respect it or be self-
aware enough to accept that it’s not going to happen.
How to talk to your partner about your decisions
The best way to decide on something together is to set aside
some time to discuss everything that you need to tackle. You
can decide on the things we mentioned above on your own,
but you should always run it by your partner, anyway.
Everything that happens in your life affects both of you, but
some decisions are yours alone. You just have to share it
with your partner first. You need to hear each other out
before making any drastic decisions. This way, you’ll know
how the other feels and can make your decisions honestly
and clearly.
it revolves around living arrangements and relationship issues.
Some things, however, should be decided on individually.
These are the decisions that affect you—or your body—more
than your partner.
Sometimes, we have to think more about ourselves than the
ones we love. I know it’s hard to swallow, but sometimes
prioritizing your needs can work out best for everyone
involved.
When should partners decide together?
Partners should run every decision by each other. You can
agree on something together, but you might disagree on some
things, as well.
Luckily for you, there’s a thing called compromise, and all
couples would do well to add that to their relationship
vocabulary.
As a couple, you need to make huge decisions about where
you will live, how much time you’re going to spend on work
and each other, and how much time you should spend on
yourselves.
Apart from that, there are also decisions that have to be made
about money, career choices, and your other relationships with
family, colleagues, and friends.
But that’s not to say that these decisions can be made
together, without any problems. Sometimes, you won’t see eye
to eye, and that’s where you have to draw the line in
determining who gets to decide.
Who holds the reins in the decision?
Some might say that the dominant entity in a relationship
makes all the decisions. But that’s hardly the case in this
modern day and age. You and your partner should decide on
most things together—especially on the issues that affect both
of you significantly.
When you and your partner disagree, one of you will win.
However, when someone doesn’t get their way, some friction
might develop between you two, which could stem from
resentment or anger.
That’s why you need to agree, or risk ruining your trust in
each other. But what happens when the decision can’t be
made together?
Decisions your partner can’t make for you
#1 Using birth control. This is one of the biggest issues that
couples face today. There is a lot of pressure placed on using
birth control. Studies show that or*l contraception is risky,
while statistics show that men *in relationships* are not
happy about using condoms. Using birth control is an
individual’s right. This is something that should not be
dictated by your partner. Whether you want to use it or not
isn’t the issue; the problem is when your partner takes away
those choices from you.
#2 Having kids. This is an even bigger issue, because having
a child is no easy or simple feat. It affects both of you, which
means that there can be no compromise on the matter. Some
people don’t want kids because they’re not ready yet, or they
can never resolve themselves to the idea. Some want kids so
badly, they’d do anything to conceive. Unfortunately, no
matter how much you want a child, your partner has to agree
with you.
#3 Which career you should choose. Some couples think that
it’s okay to influence their partner’s choice of career, but that
shouldn’t be the case. A person chooses a career for different
reasons, but whether it’s about money, passion, or
convenience, the person who’s going to work should always
be the one to decide. A partner’s role is to be there to guide
and support them.
#4 Whether or not to accept a promotion. Promotions can
mean a lot of things, like longer work hours, traveling out of
town, or even getting relocated permanently. It can drastically
affect your relationship dynamic, but only one person can
determine whether the sacrifice is worth it or not.
Relationships usually come out as the top priority, but looking
at the bigger picture can change that.
#5 Getting body modifications. Whether it’s a tattoo, plastic
surgery, or even a tiny piercing, the choice to make a
permanent change on your body is yours alone. Your partner
can give their input and make their case against it, but it’s
your decision, in the end. Remember: it’s your body.
#6 What to spend your money on. If you are married without a
prenup, you are legally sharing each other’s money. But you
still earned part of that share, and you have the right to spend
it on whatever you want. Even if you aren’t married, you and
your partner may have decided to share your expenses, which
means they have a say in what you spend together. Still, once
you’ve set aside your share, you can do whatever you want
with the money left. You can ask your partner for advice on
how to spend it, but it’s ultimately your decision.
#7 Who you should be friends with. If your friendships aren’t
affecting your relationship, there is no need for your partner to
choose your friends for you. The only time they’re allowed to
step in is when your friends are taking advantage of you or
hurting you. Apart from that, they cannot decide who you
should be friends with, based on social status or appearances.
If they simply don’t like your friends, you can always engage
with them separately.
#8 When to have $ex. If you and your partner agreed to have
a $exual relationship, it’s understandable that they would
want to do it regularly. Sometimes, however, you won’t want
to have $ex and your partner should accept that. Forcing,
manipulating, or guilting you into having $ex is tantamount to
r*pe.
It’s your body, and you have the right to decide how and
when to use it. If the frequency of $ex *whether it’s too often
or too infrequent* is raising alarm bells, you should discuss
this with your partner.
#9 When to get married. Although some people might claim
that getting married isn’t such a big deal, it still is for a lot of
people. You are legally binding yourself to one person for the
rest of your life *or until a judge allows you to separate*. It is
not a decision that should be taken lightly, which means that
you and your partner must decide on it separately, before you
can agree to it together.
#10 When to say “I love you.” It seems like an unimportant
issue, but it has a heavy connotation. Love should not be
taken lightly. It is a huge emotional investment, and you can’t
force your partner to say it, especially when they’re not sure
yet. Your partner obviously likes you, but it takes time for
some people to fall in love. When the feeling arrives, your
partner will say those three words. If that moment never
comes, you must be mature enough to respect it or be self-
aware enough to accept that it’s not going to happen.
How to talk to your partner about your decisions
The best way to decide on something together is to set aside
some time to discuss everything that you need to tackle. You
can decide on the things we mentioned above on your own,
but you should always run it by your partner, anyway.
Everything that happens in your life affects both of you, but
some decisions are yours alone. You just have to share it
with your partner first. You need to hear each other out
before making any drastic decisions. This way, you’ll know
how the other feels and can make your decisions honestly
and clearly.
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